James grows up - and so do I

Nearly two-and-a-half years into this parenting expedition, with my youngest turning 1 year old in a week, today was the day I decided to be a mother.   

As the babies become children, I’ve realised that a more specific, thoughtful approach must be used.  My former technique of priding myself on chaos, unpredictability, heedless spending (“they’re only babies once! Let’s go get pizza!  I deserve this cab!), and an attempt at an adult social life is no longer the theme of the day.  This weekend I’ve taken steps towards a working budget, spent only £3 in unnecessary costs (at the nearby coffee shop), tested children’s recipes using the book I nearly gave away a few months ago, texted and phoned a favourite babysitter simply because I was concerned about her well being, planned Jasper's birthday party for next weekend, and declined an offer to go out to a fancy restaurant in the evening with good friends.  And the events of this morning may have spurred this all on. 

This morning, I awoke to the creaking of my bedroom door.  As he has only recently gone into his own bed, it still took me a second to realise the little presence was James, aged 2.5.  He seemed to look at me and decide I was sleeping (I lay as still as possible, hesitating even to breathe).  A patter of departing feet.  Seconds later, I hear a squawk from the 11-month old as he awakes, and following his normal routine, starts to cry, as if protesting his very existence.  But this morning is different - James has it under control. Magically, through unknown means, he soon sends the little one into spasms of giggles.  Finally, I force myself out of bed (I’ve now forgotten whether it’s possible to start a day in a way other than “reluctantly,” no matter how sweet my boys are) and go into the room.  I find James completely naked, having cast aside his pull-up and sat on the potty to go wee wee.  Never mind that there was a poo in the pull up that has now been discarded on the floor.  It’s still a massive step in the evolution from baby to boy – he has deliberately surmounted obstacles in order to use the potty.  

And, amazingly, he seems to have tried to spare me a few extra minutes of shut-eye.  This little toddler seems to be solidly in my corner. He's becoming my friend. 

Chelsea Physic Garden

French lessons for babies? Petit Pierrot and the White Horse at Parsons Green

We all know that foreign languages should be taught in the early years. But how early is too early?  As part of James' activities for the summer, we enrolled him in the Petit Pierrot french lessons, held weekly at Parsons Green.  Each week, a handful of toddlers gather at the Mission Hall to run around a large room, stomp their feet, and participate in an art lesson (sticking, colouring, pasting and painting) midway through.  Songs and instructions are playfully conducted in French.  But how much of this do the kids actually learn?

After attending a few of these lessons, my disappointing answer is: not much.  If James is actually going to speak French, it is going to take much more than a few afternoons listening to French singing.  These "classes," just like the gymnastic ones, or the football ones, or the rhyming ones, are simply excuses for the kids to have fun and to practice socialising.  

In fact, the lunch that James routinely has before the French lesson is much more successful.  We love The White Horse as the location for a midweek meal for babies and toddlers.  Car seats are available, the staff is friendly, and there is a fantastic kids menu.  

10 days old: 2nd pub lunch - The Cumberland Arms

Today, baby Jasper is 10 days old.  He is 16 months younger than his big brother, James.  I'm loving all the kisses that James gives Jasper, and already fearing the first real fight.   One parenting technique to minimise jealousy is apparently to spend quality time separately with each child.  My husband took James out for lunch in Notting Hill with his parents visiting from Canada, and my father, visiting from the United States, accompanied Jasper and me.  

We opted for an amazing lunch at The Cumberland Arms (29 North End Road, W14 8SZ).  It's a fantastic place to enjoy a lunch with your baby.  There are several picnic tables outside for sunny days, and the cozy atmosphere of the inside features several bench seats on which your little one can sleep as you eat (particularly helpful if you, like me, prefer the Baby Bjorn for toting baby around!   One other baby of about nine months, complete with pram, arrived as we were eating - it's a pub that attracts local baby clientele.  The staff is quick to serve, and conducted the mandatory newborn fawning with grace, making it evident that Jasper was welcome.

The swordfish skewers that my father ordered were delicious, although I opted for pasta, still desperately clinging to the mostly carb diet I survived on during my pregnancy.  Maybe, as I try to fit back into my normal clothes, it's time to start appreciating the merits of fish!  

Westfield

Because the family have flocked to London from the U.S. and Canada this summer to meet Jasper (6 days old), we planned many West London baby activities for James (16 months old) over the summer.  After two full seasons of participation, James had disappointingly lost his place at the Water Babies swim school due to Water Babies' clerical errors (I have since learned that they have a terrible reputation in that area, so be warned!), and we needed something to fill the gap. 

So, as a family outing, my mother, father, baby Jasper, baby James, and Granpapa Collins piled into a black cab to embark on our day at Westfield.   It was a tight squeeze, but we managed to fit our Maclaren pram into the cab with us.

The Little Gym in Westfield won our business after we attended a free trial session one day.  James was able to run freely over the soft mats, and there is a good ratio of planned activities - sitting in a circle, shaking bells, etc - paired with gymnastics equipment usage.  We had tried out the baby "bugs" class when he was only six months old, and he enjoyed the interaction - although we do believe that the expense of the class is less worthwhile for young babies (we won't be signing baby Jasper up anytime soon!)

After the class, we had lunch at The Meat and Wine Company, a South African restaurant serving steaks, ribs, chicken, and a few vegetarian dishes.  Normally a bit pricey, the restaurant offers a superb lunch special of your choice of a main course and beverage (beer, wine, soft drink) for £10.  It is seldom crowded at lunch, and the great selection of bench seats makes it a great choice for taking your young baby.  Jasper, at 6 days old, slept beside me on the bench as my parents and I enjoyed our meal.  

Jabs!

The dreaded day arrived today:  that of the vaccinations.  James is turning one year old in a few days, and was due an assortment of vaccines.  Naively, I assumed that many of them would be combined into one shot - but, modern science doesn't seem to have progressed that far.  He was administered not one, not two, but three shots - two in one little thigh, and one in the other.  I had the glorious task of holding down the previously happy baby while he was tortured.  

Much like when I receive shots myself, I couldn't look.  And when we were done, and the nurse handed James a little sticker that said "I was brave today," I felt a pang of pride - for I probably felt braver than he did.  To willingly submit your little baby to pain for the good of their future is difficult indeed - and something that will arise again and again throughout parenthood, I have no doubt. And there won't always be someone handing me a congratulatory sticker at the end. 

Capturing memories - how important are they?

Most of us, whether we have kids or not, probably have a notion of what the "first steps" will be like.  The family is all gathered around the living room, the child clutching to the end of the table.  All at once, he takes his first wobbly steps away from the table, probably right in to the waiting mother's open arms.  All gathered family look proudly pleased.  The memory is captured on film, still photography, and the memories of the entire family.

This ridiculous notion must be burned - for first steps, and indeed for all "firsts."

Already, despite my best intentions, I've let a few milestones go.  The "baby book," into which I was going to record all of James' first events to the last detail, lies empty, dormant, and gathering dust.  Things I thought I would never forget - the day I stopped breastfeeding, the first night he slept on his own - have now disappeared into the cloud of "sometime around 9 months, or 3 months, or whatever."  I can barely even remember last night - did he wake up?  What did he eat?

And we haven't recorded as many videos as we intended.  We started out making one short 30-45 second video a day, which quickly lapsed into one a week.  We kept that up for about two months, at great effort.  At the present time, it's been about 4 months since the last video.

If you feel yourself in a similar situation, where day-to-day living takes priority over recording the present for posterity, take heart.  Last weekend, Brendan and I settled in to watch some of these old videos of the first few weeks of his life.  We went to one of my favourites - when James saw his first video game, and eagerly outstretched his hand to touch the moving figures.  We used to proudly observe how he reacted as we watched the video time and again.

Now?  The video is - let's be honest - completely boring.  James resembles a worm.  He has no facial reaction, and his fingers are shaky.  New edition James would be able to push this little one over, grab the game, and start laughing.

Recording the past may not be so important after all.  Do we longingly wish for our old computers from 2000?  No!  The new edition does all the previous tricks, and more.  Just like James.

So, take my advice, and record a few things every now and then.  But living is much more important than recording - and if you don't have the time to record now, how will you have the time to watch later?  

Nursery: Day 2

Today I spent 30 minutes at daycare with James, and then... left!  I walked down the street without a baby in my arms, feeling oddly... empty.  And free.  And relaxed.  I thought I would feel slightly guilty at leaving him, Instead, I felt... free!  I felt reassured that the nursery was, if not the most amazing place in the world, at least a safe place where James will be well fed and safely looked after.   There may be scuffs on the walls, and some of the toys may be a little worn, but there is usually a 2:1 baby to carer ratio, which means James will never be ignored for long.  I like the idea of little James as an independent entity, making his own way in the world. 

When I returned after two hours of errands to pick James up, he was just starting his lunch:  macaroni cheese and sweetcorn. One thing is certain:  James will not be ignored when he wants something.  If the daycare helper took too long between bites, James would begin a series of gutteral groans that were impossible to ignore.  I was proud of him for making his demands known. 

Maybe a slightly spoiled baby is a more resilient baby?   I never thought of James as "spoiled" before, but he has had a lot of undivided attention in his short life.  No wonder his little mind is used to it.  

Tomorrow: Day 3 of settling in.  And then, James is on his own!  

First day of day care

I may have been very slack so far in recording James' achievements in his baby book, but next Wednesday will be a landmark:  his very first full day at the nursery.  I can hardly imagine what it will be like to leave him in the little building across the street, and walk away for 7 hours.

Today was the first of a three day gradual settling in program.  It was relatively mild - 90 minutes, with me in attendance the full time.  Even so, we had a minor catastrophe only 10 minutes into his visit.  I was admiring the messy artwork created by some youngster, and while I was looking away, sweet little Celeste managed to whack James on the head with a plastic truck.  The attendant hurriedly put a cold compress on the bump.  The rest of the stay passed without incident, aside from James attempting to eat the paint off his paintbrush.  But clearly, we need to toughen our little boy up!

Hooray for baby videos

After I've played with James, fed him, cleaned his nappy, and given him naptime, I do what to some parents is unthinkable: I plop him in front of the television, mostly to watch the Baby Mozart videos.  While I don't honestly believe that these videos will turn the boy into a genius, he does genuinely enjoy watching them.  He waves to the little girl, he claps his hand occasionally, and if he's whimpering to start with, he stops as soon as I turn it on.

At a dinner party a few weeks ago, a couple proudly proclaimed that television watching undoubtedly gives children Attention Deficit Disorder.  To me, it seems it has the opposite effect - he is able to watch consistently, and pay constant attention to his play tasks as well.

The moral, as always, is this:  while we don't know what exactly is best for the children, if we really aren't sure, let's side with the activity that is in our best interest.  And for the busy mother, an occasional educational video certainly is.