Family have begun to arrive. They are coming from all corners of the earth to stay with us. They will bring offerings of clothes and toys, and will come with offers to help with laundry and cooking. Next weekend is the crown jewel of the visits: the christening of young James. He will be only a month old, a bit young for a christening, but this is the day that was most convenient for everyone. As a consequence, family and friends are able to come in vast quantities, and are making vast efforts to do so.
I am beginning to feel the pressure. James cannot hold his head up yet, can hardly stay awake during the day, and barely sleeps at night. He has about 23.5 minutes per day of alert "play-time," during which he can either stare blankly into the eyes of the person holding him, or gaze blankly out of a window. It is fascinating to me, because this boy is under my care, but I can hardly imagine that this will be entertaining stuff to the rest of the family. I have begun to worry that they will think their travel efforts have been in vain, or scheduled too early. I predict that the grandparents will leave feeling that they are leaving at just the time they should have been arriving in order to see the most development.
I loved the birth, and the two weeks that followed - time spent with just the three of us. But now, I feel that I have to emerge into the world and its pressures. This week of family events may be a severe trial by fire. My parenting abilities will be on parade, I feel. As I still have trouble keeping young James from spraying me as I change his diaper, I am concerned as to how I will perform. And then I ask myself: does everything have to be a competition? Can I just do my thing, let the family do theirs, and let judgements fall where they may? Or does my newness as a parent mean I will fall victim to senseless criticism. Time will tell. Let's hope this week passes quickly.
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