Babies are supposed to cry. When we hear babies cry, we may be annoyed or sympathetic, but we never think of the noise as abnormal. We certainly wouldn't think, "Oh, that baby is crying! It is being mentally disturbed and will never be the same again." The thought would never have crossed my mind.
But that was before I had a baby of my own.
Today, I made my first solo trip out with James in the stroller. My husband had been with me, but left to go to a meeting. I decided to continue on alone. Being alone with my baby in the world was on my list of "standard expectations." How hard could it be? My husband departed, and I walked home using a different route than normal.
Immediately after he left, two things happened:
1. I realised that I was slightly lost, and wasn't at all sure which the most efficient way home was. So, the way home - originally planned to take 15 minutes - now looked to be about 30.
2. James immediately started bawling. Of course.
I started out calmly trying to calm the baby. He yelled louder. I tried to lull him to sleep... moving quickly, slowly, over rough patches and smooth patches. I tried again to console him. I considered whipping him out of the stroller and breastfeeding in the middle of the sidewalk. I probably would have tried it, no matter how ridiculous the concept, had I thought I could have managed. I was getting desperate. My baby was hurting himself, and I couldn't stop it!
Now, from the comfort of my own home, with the safely sleeping baby in front of me, it seems somewhat silly, but I ended up crying in unison with him as I pushed the stroller home. Passerby must have thought the scene slightly ridiculous. No one was being hurt, and babies are supposed to cry. Indeed, I made it home safely, and the baby stopped crying almost immediately.
Except for mine, of course. Motherhood is a selfish business.
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